Connecting the Dots

This is a phrase that gets a lot of usage in our family.  You see... my husband is not naturally a "dot connector".  His advice and direction are usually spot on but apparently we are to simply revel in his innate and tried but true wisdom, express our undying respect for him and just follow.  I know this sounds like I am mocking him, I assure you I am not.  I am actually being quite honest.  If he read this he would laugh and say "Yes, that's exactly how it works here.  Why doesn't anyone just trust me?"  :) :)  

This actually ties into design so follow me here.  I was working with one of my favorite customers yesterday.  In a panic, she came to me - an hour and a half away - and because she has also become my friend, I resisted the urge to dress up for her and put on make-up.  So after a bit of friendly chatting and updating, we got to work on her to-do list while sitting outside under my log-covered patio while I paced around in painted on once-velvety old navy sweat pants, a tank top and a sweatshirt that probably belongs to my daughter.  

We had a lot of details to tie up.  She has one of those contractors who is very efficient and has a crew.  She also has a husband who is ready to get this done.  They are doing quite an extensive exterior remodel on a very basic earth home they built into the side of a desert-y hill maybe 20 or 30 years ago.  I had narrowed down her selections for her which I know helps.  But unlike a lot of other designers, I find myself hesitant to just prepare one option.  I think it's because it's important to me each client feels vested and part of the process.  But also because .... I think people need you to connect the dots.

The first selection I showed her did not make her cry for joy.  She hung in there with me because she has grown to trust me, which  is quite a plus to this process.  However, if she is going to go back and be able to sell this to her husband, she better believe it in her own heart that this is the direction to go.  So there begins the process of dot-connecting.  What was fascinating to see was that after a couple of hours, we landed in the same spot as I started, but this time we were there together.  

She knew that one option, although the direction she and her husband had probably always planned on going - had pros and cons.  Pros:  beautiful, timeless, perfect.  Cons:  a transformation and an upgrade for sure, but possibly a little similar to what they had been living with in some aspects, just better.  Finished.  Completed.  Beautiful.  Restful.  Timeless. (I know I said timeless already but that's a biggie to me.)  Another con: not paying attention to some of the key elements her builder had asked us to consider when making our product selections.  It's hard, but not impossible, to consider it all and still end up with perfect and beautiful and not feel like you compromised beauty and flow for function.

The alternative selection represented me listening to the husband and the builder and trying to come up with something beautiful but using more practical products.  Now those two words - beautiful and practical - don't always live in the same house, but they can.  And I believe that it's respectful to listen and try to  "obey" when people say things to you like "I'd like to use the type of stone product that has very easy installation so I won't have to bring in a mason and take 2-3 days and two guys to do layout."  Or, "I want low maintenance products."  The market is full of products now that meet these types of requirements.  Not as much selection, not usually as beautiful as the creator-made natural materials I only want to ever use... but for a homeowner or builder who prefers those elements, it is worth addressing and trying and is certainly not impossible.

In doing so, however, I came to the conclusion that we really needed to go with an exterior house color that was much darker than she had anticipated, if we were to work with the limitations of the products available that met the "practical" criteria and still end up with something that didn't feel like a compromise or thrown together - beautiful, flowing, natural, custom.  This is a little bold for doing so late in the game. It is show time and decision-making time for this couple.  I could have just shown her what she was expecting to see, but I really really felt I had worked with the products available, listened, and it required this unexpected turn of events (darker house color) to pull it all together into "beautiful."  So, I couldn't just sell it. It took me a week to convince myself it was worth convincing her.  She trusts me and that was helpful.  But I had to ... connect the dots. 

So I explained pros and cons of both options, but took the time to share why I had landed so concretely on the two selections.  One, a lighter house color as anticipated but with a "dirtied down" stone selection that was absolutely beautiful but was real and wasn't what the "builder ordered."  The other, a selection obeying the low maintenance and ease of installation requests of the husband and builder, but a much darker house color than the couple had been leaning toward.  So, to connect the dots.... we just started talking.  Pros and cons, whys and why-nots.  And got out paint samples.  She stood back while I went through attractive, lighter color options and she could see with her own eye that it just wasn't "amazing."  It was fun to see her land in the exact same spot I started her on.  But this time, dots connected for her. Convinced, but also vested.  It's my favorite place to land.  It feels like a win/win, a partnership.  Not me creating, and clients blindly following.

So off she headed home to make the sale to her husband.  Aware of the compromises that could be made in a pinch.  But quite sold on the reasons why these were the best two selections and the pros and cons of each.  

It taught me a valuable lesson that related to our family and dot-connecting.  If, in a pinch, she had to make a decision, she expressed that she could pull on her trust for my eye and direction and could just go with it if she didn't have time to question it.  That was a huge compliment. It is why we work so well together on these crazy projects.  However, if not in a pinch, why should she have to?  If taking the time to connect the dots got her on the same page because she saw it with her own eyes, reasoned over it, and believed it with her own heart...  isn't that better?  And certainly, isn't that required for her to go back and try to sell this to her husband and builder all by herself?  

So, I like being a dot-connector.  It takes a little more time.  Sometimes it's a little funny because the client has already paid you for your time to go through all these "dots" and break it down to a bottom line and clear direction for them.  But that doesn't mean they don't need to see it themselves sometimes to be able to dismiss all those options you had to dismiss while designing their project for them.  

I used to sell blinds.  For almost 10 years.  Sometimes 3-5 brand new homes a day.  Near the end, I would go in, listen, go back out to my van where I carried probably 5-6 manufacturers of blinds, the entire line, and I'm not kidding... I would come back in with 1 or 2 products.  Some of the time this worked and we were done.  Measure, deposit, hand shake, onto the next house.  But sometimes the look of the homeowner reminded me that they wanted me to connect the dots.  They wanted to be vested.  See their options.  I'd say 95% of the time, 3 hours, 10 blind books, and who knows how many color samples later, they purchased my original selection.  However, that did not mean I was always right and needed to just sell harder.  It taught me, people deserve and need to be sold the way they want to be sold to.  And just because they ask or pay for your assistance, doesn't mean they don't want to think or be a part of the process.  Connect the dots.

My husband is right.  There is a time and place for trusting, for being efficient, for being decisive, willing to follow.  He is right on the most darndest things, he has earned his spot to not love being questioned all the time.  :)  However, when it comes to dignifying people and letting them be a part of the process, sometimes there is no short cut and connecting the dots is time well spent, even if it means you end up right where you started.